I am still me..

Sometimes, it may feel like I am only my eating disorder. Be that oh so comforting at times, and a fact part of me never wants to give up… I also revel in the short but sweet moments that I feel treated purely as me.
Education is usually a place in which you have a very specific, work based, impersonal relationship with the staff.. but I have discovered that I am extremely fortunate to be in an environment where the individual is cared about. Cared about both for the things I struggle with and as my own person separate to all of that.
Without anything else, there are 2 people there who have helped me to keep afloat and contain all my fear and hate of myself in order to continue the rest of my life simultaneously. I don’t know what I would be doing right now without that, but I am certain it would all be much worse. Even though they will never read this or know that this is them.. thank you.  

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I hope this ends soon.

I am doing better, well better to the ana voice in terms of restricting a bit more than I was and exercising lots. I just want to be thinner and quicker and everything to be ok. I don’t want to have panic attacks, or be depressed.. when I am thinner I won’t have to be so embarrassed about myself.
I hope this ends soon.  Continue reading