:) x :)

🙂 – smile, because I have a guy who cares about me and thinks something of me, while I feel worthless
x- a kiss because I had my first ❤
:)- because I only ate 400 calories.

It is true that the anorexic bit is thrilled with my eating today. Long may this continue so I can be certain I am getting thinner not fatter. People may think it is pure vanity, and I guess being vain is a part of it. But beneath that, there is an underlying desire to be perfect in both body and everything else. Having complete control of my body (being perfectly thin enough) will also make me feel more in control of my work, my relationships.. everything. I should be feeling bad; as I am dizzy, weak, tingling and experiencing a sort of disjointed feeling from lack of energy- but I am made happy by the first 🙂 and x, and of course by my obedience to the anorexia today. 
It is twisted that I am content with knowingly starving my body, allowing my hair to thin and drop out quite a bit, feeling exhausted and ravenous and putting my muscles at strain. Apparently, twisted happiness is the only kind I can accept. Double happiness describes my day though- twisted in one instance; a lovely sort in another… 

🙂 x   ——> tu pones una sonrisa en todo mi cuerpo. Gracias…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s