Well, the title is certainly what this week has left me feeling like! For the first time in my life, my worrying has not resulted in me doing really well and evryone saying “you needn’t have worried.” I guess I should be thinking that I’m no good and give up on what I want to do; but it was never a conscious decision. I believe that I was drawn to dancing, and working hard and (mostly grrrr) doing well is not a choice, it is the effect of being completely fascinated by something.
I might not be the best in the whole world, as there will always be people better than me- but I know that I have determination and the desire to develop more than many others. Dancing is the best thing that I do in a day, something I think about always, something I dream about, something I analyse, choreography, write about..,
Having come to learn what rejection is like through a million and one auditions this year I am well aware that a dancing career is far from a straightforward journey. I couldn’t care less; difficulty is never an obstacle to me, it makes me push myself harder and have more pride in what I’ve done when I get there.
Today I stopped 2 panic attacks before they happened. I am so pleased, because the effect of panic is most certainly a factor in weakening my concentration and brain-muscle connection if I am dancing quite soon after. The support of somebody today has made me feel even more contentment at this step; encouragement from whom has helped me find more recognition and power over myself. This person has no obligation to do so but my admiration for them has meant that all the extra support I have been provided with has not gone amiss. 🙂
If I can carry on eating as I like, then I can keep the handle on the panic and make even more progress. Tomorrow I get to dance……. Cinders is going to the ball 😉