Confused..

So. Everything has been just about as up and down as usual, but on Thursday I have to go BACK to the same people who will supposedly help me this time around. I am definitely too much of a fatty to get on the scales, so they can dream on if they want me to! I am too terrified of them thinking I am not thin enough, and me feeling too fat and embarassed by it all that I will have a panic attack. I have enough as it is, so I refuse to have an extra one.
I still hope they will help me.. if they don’t, I have no idea what I will do. A piece of me wants to be me again….