Having faith in anything has kind of been on my mind recently. “Seeing is believing” is very much my attitude towards life, and I have started to realise that sometimes what you see might not be somebody else’s reality. For example, a religious person may see and analyse something completely differently to me, but there is never any telling who is right or wrong; in fact everybody probably has every view point somewhere in the billions of thoughts in their subconsciousness so nobody can ever be truely certain.
Having faith (be that religious or in succeeding or anything at all) is something I rarely do. I guess that is because I don’t want to be let down. If you choose to believe something, then your happiness is at risk of falling apart should it not come to be a reality. I am stubborn, and while that means I usually take very educated and sure stances about everything, I know that it is also a trait that makes me susceptible to not doing certain things, aka leaving familiar eating disorder territory.
If I choose to have faith that I can recover and be happy and healthy, I will be completely broken if I discover that I can’t; the other voice in my head therefore brings me to accept how things are at present, keep on going and see what happens.
I’m not really sure if and how and when I will get out of this muddle, but I hope it isn’t by having faith in myself, cos that is something I’m not sure I can ever fully do….