Comfortable and scared at once?!

Today I have worked out why everything feels so weird lately: I am terrified and excited about the changes that are coming, while simultaneously at a comfortable point in my eating problems. I have (mostly) conquered anxiety. and am slightly less depressed more of the time… Basically this small amount of increased “control” is making me feel kinda stable despite the fact that I am not (in terms of myself or my life.)

I am completely confused and just wish I could know where I stand, as some days I can clearly see I have a problem; on others I feel like my routines and habits are all ok, sensible even. It is only in the face of negativity and stress that I can see what other people must see all the time, yet at the same time, I am certain most people don’t understand or believe my issues exist/ are at the level they are. How weird is that?!

Am I a strong person or is my eating disorder voice a strong person? I don’t think I know…. All I can say is that the advice, patience and care I have been fortunate to receive from a small amount of those around me  is keeping me hanging on.


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