It is very easy to be confused between what you want and need, and what you can and can’t do. I WANT to be thinner and believe I NEED to be, but is it possible to achieve this without sacrificing the other things in my life and is that thought even right in the first place?!
Recently, other people are giving me mixed messages about how I am doing. Obviously, this is something that only I can ever be fully aware of, but all the same, it is giving me a lot to think about!
Some people are telling me how much better I seem and how pleased they are that I seem to be handling my stuff ok on my own; others say I look thinner and my habits aren’t normal or good. My conclusion is that my exterior mood is calmer and more relaxed, so those who comment on me being better are talking about that as opposed to my body or attitude to food… Who knows, but it does prove that I am doing something right, and I’m pleased about that. I suppose the sad thing is that I don’t really think I will ever be able to give my eating disorder, as that voice in my head feels like it will be there forever!
Even to those who think I am doing better (in whatever respect) it is STILL HARD and probably always will be. People forget that and I just because I am not panicking 24 hours a day doesn’t mean my thoughts are different and it is simple to not end up in an anxious mess.