I go through times where I walk on the spot for hours on end to burn calories. I am doing that right now.
It makes me feel so much more comfortable with having eaten at all, but at the same time, I hate that I feel so compelled to do it. I’m tired and bored. Therefore, tomorrow I am going to eat a lower calorie number so that I don’t have to walk.
I do want to get better and be a normal eventually, but right now, I can only think about being thinner. In a very messed up, illogical way, I won’t allow myself to get better until I have got worse….