One of the things I find most difficult about how I currently feel is that I am living with people who don’t understand it. I decided to tell them about my disorder and how I feel day to day (when they ask) but whatever they say always seems to become a negative comment in my head.
Whether they say they think I’m doing well, or whether they try to say I’m not eating well, I never feel comfortable. At the beginning of my problems I often just told those closest to me that I was “fine” and so by telling them I believed I was making life easier for myself. I guess I have, as I don’t have to cover it up completely, but from now on I am just going to accept what they say.
“You seem to be doing well at the moment” – I will agree, regardless of what I think or feel.
“You seem to be having a hard time just now”- I will shrug it off. What is the point in confiding in people who don’t get it?!
Yesterday, one of my housemates (who has their own mental issues not to do with food) was, yet again, blabbing on about wanting to lose weight. She talks almost 24/7, often just chatting shit or not even making sense, and so she said “it’s like some people lose weight so easily, like their metabolism is really high. It’s so unfair how I don’t lose weight when I don’t eat, or you don’t lose weight…” So why exactly did my family all tell me multiple times when I went home that I’d lost weight?
I know she probably doesn’t even remember saying it, and I know that my body stats mean that I have lost, but it is just plain hurtful. She thinks my ed means she can get info about losing weight out of me. I lose weight by obsessively exercising and restricting my intake. It is a very simple formula that only struggles to work when you hit starvation. Your body would probably only stop losing from restriction at an underweight weight anyway. Her problem is that she knows sod all about what she eats. She is lying to herself about how much she has.
I am hurt by her comment, even though I know she is utterly crazy and talks crap quite a lot anyway (e.g she told me a girl we know is like really skinny but fat at the same time!! The girl is skinny, end of. ) I wish she would keep her thoughts about her own body and everyone else’s to herself. I don’t want to know what some teenager with adhd has to say.