To be in control there has to be no rules to break

My relationship with food and exercise is all about hyper awareness of everything. Everything is calculated and judged as good or bad accordingly.
If I feel I’ve over eaten then I would be obliged, based on my rules, to fast for a certain number of hours.
At some point, daily restriction makes me so desperate to eat that I “binge”- usually meaning a normal calorie level instead of my acceptable calorie allowance (again all this is determined by the rules).
So how the hell can the cycle be broken?! Surely if the rules are abandoned then the whole thing just flies out of control and I would eat anything and everything and become disgustingly obese … Or does it?
Therapy this week made me think that maybe if there are no rules, then no food is terrifying or off limits. Food would just what it is: food. Not a punishment or a reward; not an emotional numbing device; not the most important thing in my mind; just food.

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