Progress means being scared first

In therapy today I was asked whether I thought her idea for my homework was good. In theory it sounded excellent; realistically speaking it sounded scary.
I have come to the conclusion that in order to overcome mental illness you have to be put in situations that are scary, and then get through them without relying on your illness. Tough stuff.
I want to rise to the occasion and face it head on, but the challenge was allowing her to weigh me. I’m not sure if I can do it. I’m genuinely concerned that I might attempt to kill myself if I don’t feel content with the number.
I can’t actually describe how utterly terrifying this will be, but my appointment is on Monday so I will soon be right in the middle of fear and anxiety.
My biggest worries about it all are around what the scales say, and what she says. What if she thinks my weight doesn’t justify my eating disorder? What if she thinks I am exaggerating everything? What will I do to myself afterwards? What if I can’t handle my emotions and she sees me having a panic attack?

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