Every morning I wake up wishing that I could I restrict and/ or exercise enough to be satisfied, but that never happens.
I feel like my disorder forces me to be addicted to punishing myself; exercising when I’m exhausted, eating when I hadn’t planned to, restricting to a point of wanting to give up on living etc.. Most average people enjoy treating themselves, so why do I have to be different!? Be it eating out with loved ones, going for massage, taking an afternoon nap on the weekend… People do things that are kind to themselves.
I hate how I feel when I allow myself to break the cycle of doing punishing things. It’s like my mind doesn’t want me to feel rested or calm.
Well that sucks.
Reblogged this on ED is not my ID.