What is therapy anyway?

I had therapy today and had some thought provoking, and emotionally challenging discussions. I have seen quite a few different people over the years: a youth counsellor, a support worker, an eating disorders nurse, a low intensity therapist, and now this high intensity therapist ( who is a clinical psychologist.)
My experiences with them have all been very different, and few of them have actually helped me to change my attitudes and behaviours. I guess the problem is that mental illness is totally different to medical ailments; instead of medication, rest or diagnostic tests, mental illness requires time to heal.
The whole world is always racing against time and money, and so I’ve no doubt that there are millions of people who, like me, have been through several short interventions, only to find that nothing changed.
For me, the hardest part of therapy is being honest. In that hour a week, I have to answer questions that spark deeply emotional reactions that are supported by negative beliefs I’ve had since childhood. There are many things about my illness- such as weight, self harm, and feelings of fear that are almost impossible for me to be talk about. My body tenses and my words become short. It’s like there is no explanation strong enough to describe what I feel. Obviously, it is vital that I’m able to overcome that difficulty in order to question my views and take a healthier approach, but it just made me think about the whole concept of therapy. I mean it is basically an optional hour of stress in a way!
I know that left to my own devices I would not be able to make positive progress, yet it is easy to feel stupid for not seeing why my views are warped without needing someone to show me. I know it isn’t normal to do the things I do, so why is it so hard to do anything about it on my own?
I don’t really know. All that I do know, is that therapy is incredibly useful. My therapist is kind and open for a laugh at times too. She is clearly very knowledgeable about the human mind and the effect it can have on our behaviour and self worth, and I am being exposed to many new techniques to change my current outlook on life. I’m grateful for her, but I’m also aware that it isn’t too long until the end of our sessions. Scary times.

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