Plans

For a while I tried to stop food planning in a book; instead I just added calories up rather than keeping a log of what the foods were that created the total.
This evening I’ve planned tomorrow’s food in a notebook. My god it feels good. I just feel in control. I know that in reality that means nothing, as I could still not follow my plan when tomorrow comes! But I know I won’t. If I stick to my plans- written form or calculated on my phone, I don’t have to feel any extra stress.
Eating disorders are tricksters aren’t they? It controls me. I don’t want to only feel in control of life when I feel in control of food, but I feel compelled to give in and plan.