Progress doesn’t mean the problem has vanished

Today, the crappy voice in my head was shouting. It always does it- even when I feel ok, or when I’m doing something I never used to be able to. Whether I’m in a positive or negative mind frame about recovery, the voice always says the same:
just give up now. Stop eating. Make yourself sick. You’re lazy. Everything is your fault. Walk into the road and die
Despite therapy and medication that voice is still going strong. Granted, I’m gaining more ability to hear it but not act upon it, but the bottom line is that my mental illness is engrained into my personality. I believe that for the rest of my life it will be this way.
What annoyed me was how somebody assumed that because I’m having therapy etc that I was “doing well with eating” sometimes I am; sometimes I’m not. Whatever the exterior appearance is, I’m not calm about food. It is an everyday battle that I can’t escape from. People don’t understand that once you get a mental illness, it is going to be with forever to some extent. Those automatic thoughts don’t magically stop.

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2 thoughts on “Progress doesn’t mean the problem has vanished

  1. Just wanna say you’re beautiful. Really you are. You have to believe me. You are beautiful on the inside AND THE OUTSIDE. I’m telling you this and I want you to believe me, even if you only believe me for a second.

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