Can a therapist hate a client?

I worry that my therapist doesn’t like me, or thinks I’m lying, or thinks I’m not trying. She has never said anything that suggests those things, but it is a big fear.

3 thoughts on “Can a therapist hate a client?

  1. I want to reply to this, as I do it a million times all throughout my life. I think it goes hand in hand with anxiety, people pleasing, lack of confidence, perfectionism, etc.

    I’m glad that you recognize that she hasn’t said anthng that suggests your worries. Part of the solution is to RECOGNIZE when things actually happened, and what occurred in your own personal imaginary make believe land. For instance, in the course of a day I can convince myself that someone who hasn’t texted me back hates me so much he moved to the North Pole and/or died, that my pants feeling a little tight means I’ve gained 100 pounds, and that one day of being in a bad mood means I will be unhappy forever. None of those things came to fruition.

    Yes, we have anxieties. However, I strongly urge you to keep a calm head and not take things so personally. One of the biggest lessons I learned in college was that the world DOESN’T revolve around me (it was a huge shocker, and I’m still getting used to this notion), so if a roommate is in a bad mood, it isn’t personal to me.

    Here are some things to keep in mind:
    -a LOT more occurs in imagination land than in reality
    -in fact, always needing to escape into made-up dramas and affronts suggests that you feel powerless and bored with your “real” life
    -not everyone has to like you; in fact, people who don’t like you have a lot to teach you about empathy and kindness
    -On that note, it sounds like YOU don’t trust your therapist and feel comfortable in your sessions. As the patient, I think it’s waaaaay more important to ask if YOU like your THERAPIST, or at least if he/she is being helpful to your overall recovery.
    -a therapist’s job is to help those who don’t or can’t tell the truth, and especially those who are apathetic; if your therapist doesn’t inspire and challenge you, maybe you need a new therapist, or at least confront this one as to what isn’t working for you.

    • Thank you for such a lovely response. I think you’re right- I normally worry about negative situations that I’ve imagined, not that are facts. But as you know, the fear can be so strong that the worries seem right! My therapist is brilliant. I have definitely told her things I’ve been unable to say with previous therapists. Whether it be a therapist, a relation, a friend or a teacher, I always think that imperfection means I’ve let them down. I’ve discussed this in sessions, but when I wrote this post yesterday, it had just all got a bit much!
      Thanks

  2. I’ve wondered this about my therapist so many times. I always think I annoy people, they hate me, I said something wrong that will change their idea of me forever and now they hate me etc. I guess the truth is that therapy is so so hard and sometimes it gets so hard, sometimes they tell us off or say things we don’t want to hear because the truth sometimes is painful, but she doesn’t hate you 🙂

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