Somebody linked me to a youtube clip from eating disorders awareness week, and the head of the ed service made that title statement.
If you ask anyone in the general public about eating disorders, the consensus would be:
anorexia is being skinny
Bulimia is making yourself sick
If only it were that black and white.
At the beginning of my disorder life was simpler. I had one problem: my anorexic behaviour.
Time, stress and a lot of secrecy allowed for it to sew a web of habits. I had the odd binge, which led to purging. I started to self harm, to fast all day to binge at night, and to exercise through the night to keep it secret.
I don’t think I know what disorder I have anymore. Sometimes I feel in a very anorexic mind frame and other times the bulimic impulsive actions take over.
anadancer 
That’s me exactly as well, I have the mind of a starved anorexic and I perform the classic anorexic habits of dissecting food into tiny pieces, thinking of food 24/7. Then there is the bulimic mind and her habits, sometimes they exist together and sometimes they don’t when one is more in control.
Glad I’m not alone. I never know when anorexia is going to turn into bulimia or vice versa!!
I’d like to say I’ve been a year in recovery on my own, but I also still act on my habits every once in a while. It’s either restricting all day or it’s binging. I’ll over exercise too.
I hope that you have more days in recovery than in your ed.
I feel like I’ve been suffering so long that the idea of change is scary.
Oh me too. I’m trying to stay healthy, but in truth, falling back to old ways seems to be SO VERY easy. Much easier then the healthy route.
I think it feels so easy because it is so familiar. It is easy to say you won’t eat, because then you won’t have to feel all the guilt.
Yes, guilt….a true motivator.
Thank you so much for your kind words!
You too! Always good to feel you aren’t the only one!