Compelling.

It’s a Tuesday, which for me is the longest day in my timetable. I’m typing from bed which feels heavenly when you’re this tired!
If you’re reading and suffer with a mental health problem, you might have lots of negative and repetitive thoughts. And just like me, I’m sure you feel worse about everything when you’re tired (awkward if you’re shaking your head. This whole post rides on this trail of thought….)
So. Back to Tuesday and feeling tired. A tiny glitch in your day sets off a reel of chatter in your mind and all of a sudden your day is deteriorating.
Amid the feelings of hopelessness and stress this afternoon I began to ask myself why I end up in this mind frame. Why do I behave as I do? Why can I be such a considerate person towards everyone except myself? Why is it so damn hard to practice self forgiveness?
Because the thoughts are so compelling. when you are stuck in a cycle of any sort- be it your eating disorder, ocd, depression… You are hooked in by the familiarity of these thoughts. You feel that you MUST listen.
But the choice is always there to say no, it’s just a little hidden from lack of use. To be present in life as it happens is such a challenge when the mind is plagued by vicious circles. But to escape I know I must learn to react differently.
Be compelled to look for the best parts of the day, instead of allowing the brain to repeat the pain over and over. Be kind to yourself today. Treat yourself as you would the person you care about most in the world
Night xx