Here I am again.

It’s another Winter and I am still just as consumed by thoughts about food and my body. Too many layers of clothing makes me look even bigger, so I stick to the same particular jumpers and spend months feeling even colder than usual.
Today I feel unwell. Everything aches. Everything is tired. My brain is screaming at me; it’s all too much. And I need to talk it out.
I’m disappointed with myself for not being able to do classes today, even though I haven’t missed anything important. I’m disgusted with my body. My reflection looks different each time I see it, so I don’t know the reality. I feel like I’m not sick enough (ed wise) and that I’ve “achieved” nothing. All my thoughts today are my ed voice. Harsh, sad, repetitive.
The list of criticisms and failures is never ending so I simply want to sleep.

4 thoughts on “Here I am again.

  1. I love your post , I am writing , Maddness, Addiction and Love and yesterday my Macbook crashed, Lost everything,lol, maddness , oh ya. On my way to Bali on Monday , I was to finish it there but I guess Sprit has other plans.I have been blessed to travel to Bali every yr since 2003. Spirits plan is for us to accept at some point in our lives EVERTHING. In two yr I loss our daugher, my mother and my business. the light is I still have much to be grateful for. Your posts are one of them. Smile right now and all will be made right.xoxoxo You OK??

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