What is my struggle?

This post isn’t about diagnoses. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what is underneath all my behaviours. Why did I develop mental health issues?
I believe that I struggle to form boundaries with people in my life. If I become attached, then I want people’s care and conversation as much as possible, but I never know where the line is. I put myself last in order to do things for other people, as I struggle to say no to people.
I am also not terribly affected by social trends. While that means I have my own opinions about life, it does mean I have no problem ignoring social occasions if I don’t feel like it. Isolating becomes easy if you don’t feel the need to be “cool” or do something because “everyone else is”.
I also hate negative emotions. They are overwhelming and disabling for me. I can’t articulate my feelings at the times when it would be most beneficial, so everything is stuck in my mind.
I am a perfectionist. I set high standards for myself and never feel satisfied. I am very good at comparing myself against others- always coming out worse off, but very bad at praising my own work.
And finally: I am exceptional at only thinking in extremes. I have never really experienced the middle ground. I don’t remember life before my struggle, so all that’s left is my beliefs about success and failure. There’s no grey between the two….

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