I’m still waiting

I feel like I am always waiting to be thin enough. Ever since I gained weight from developing bulimia during my anorexia “recovery” I have been longing for thinness. Of course, those around me thought my weight gain was great… I however thought I was the most disgusting failure.
I know I’ve lost weight consistently for several months now. Others have noticed it. But because people know I have an ED, it’s different to before. Nobody says I’m too thin or whatever because they already know my problem. It’s fucking annoying.
I’m waiting for outside validation that my body is unhealthily thin. That time has gone. People are aware of my ED, so I’m just waiting. Waiting to disappear it feels like.
At the same time I am challenging myself and working on some aspects of recovery… Just not the weight bit.
It’s the same old dilemma.

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