So it’s ED awareness week which has given me the opportunity to just write about a topic that has altered my life in so many ways.
The world is full of stigma, stereotypes and misunderstanding. A large proportion of people believe that an eating disorder is just a problem with food; something really skinny people do. Those people are utterly wrong.
What’s important to share is that every person with an eating disorder can look different. Some disorders cause weight gain, others cause loss, and some cause constant fluctuations. Wherever your disorder takes you weight wise, there WILL be physical risks and consequences.
An eating disorder is a problem with dealing with life shit.. Well, doctors don’t put it quite that way… Anyway, my point is that eating disorders cannot be stopped overnight because life feels uncontrollable without the dominating thoughts and behaviours to keep you feeling at ease (even if the relief is only brief)
Eating disorders have the potential to kill. Recovery is a process full of ambivalence, and although I haven’t come out the other side yet, it certainly is possible.
You never know what those around you are going through, so be kind.
1. You are not alone in feeling misunderstood; most people don’t understand mental health because they’ve never experienced it.
2. “You don’t look sad/sick/anxious” etc. NOBODY exhibits external signs of their illness all the time. You can be suffering and be hiding it.
3. Everyone who has a mental illness is weak. I would argue that living with a mh condition requires a strength everyday that other people may never need in their lives.
4. You won’t ever recover. Put simply, people do turn their lives around and everyone is entitled to live healthily.
5. “You just need to take it easy”
Um… What? People say this to me a lot and it is SO ANNOYING. That implies that mental illness develops just because of stress, and that is so wrong. Your genes, upbringing and personality all play a part. A good nap is really not going to fix everything.
6. Time being ill is lost time.
I always hated the thought that I was wasting my life, but illness has taught me so much about myself, others and life in general. Hopefully in years to come I, and you, will look back on the months/years of sickness and be grateful for what we’ve gained.
Since Saturday I feel like I’m just not really here. Nothing is making me feel as excited or happy as it should. It’s difficult to engage in conversation when you feel cold and empty.
There’s no particular reason for it, other than being stuck in the same old habits over and over. The negative thoughts are just running my world right now, and I just want it to end.
I don’t want to have suicidal thoughts. They cause me guilt because I know there are precious, wonderful things in my life. But whether I want the thoughts or not, they are here.
I suppose it’s just the emotional pain of feeling like staying alive means signing up for a lifetime of sickness.
On Friday evening I had the joy of seeing a few people from the ed group I went to. That finished in January and so I was looking forward to seeing them. I knew they were all kind, understanding women, but the evening outdid my expectations completely.
We laughed. I laughed until tears filled my eyes. We played games, shared
Jokes, and relaxed. It was just such a pleasure to have such lovely company and feel so much enjoyment. My depression and ed stop many moments of my life from being 100% in the present. It’s rare for me to be so in the moment and happy.
Thank you fate for bringing these People into my life!