No feelings, no joy, no… Nothing

Since Saturday I feel like I’m just not really here. Nothing is making me feel as excited or happy as it should. It’s difficult to engage in conversation when you feel cold and empty.
There’s no particular reason for it, other than being stuck in the same old habits over and over. The negative thoughts are just running my world right now, and I just want it to end.
I don’t want to have suicidal thoughts. They cause me guilt because I know there are precious, wonderful things in my life. But whether I want the thoughts or not, they are here.
I suppose it’s just the emotional pain of feeling like staying alive means signing up for a lifetime of sickness.

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