“You just need to even it out”

My ED tells me everything will be ok if I balance my calories with hours spent water fasting. However long I go without food won’t be enough, and my logical self knows that, but I’m so sucked into my disorder right now that it convinces me this time will be the one. My depression has gotten bad, evidenced by my sleeping until 2pm today. It just seems like so much effort to remove myself from the safety of the duvet. 

So here I am just one hour into my water fast and already just wishing I didn’t have these obsessions with food. I feel utterly crazy at the moment   . Sometimes I think I need more help, to be in hospital and get well. That isn’t even an option because I’m not sick enough- it’s probably my disorder trying to get attention (hard to say….)

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