I saw my psychiatrist today and it was the first time I’ve really ranted about situation to him. Usually I withdraw and struggle to talk, but my frustration and anger just fuelled my speech.
I feel stuck in a mental trap. My Eating Disorder tells me I need to get really underweight in order to succeed at my disorder. Then I must maintain this perfect, tiny body by eating again. The voice tells me it’s totally possible to recover while holding on to the body it makes me strive for.
The image in my mind is of an almost flat body. No unsightly lumps and bumps- just small everywhere. Really, the image is a child’s body… Bum not really sticking out much, slender limbs, flat stomach, a small face, no boobs.
My Eating Disorder wants me to have a child’s body that can handle an adult life. Nothing I do satisfies my goals so I remain stuck in this angry mind frame, unable to expel my feelings.
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