L is for Last

So I had my idea for the post last night, mentally wrote it, then forgot to actually do it… Oops. 

Yesterday I had the last group therapy session ever. Being in the UK means everything is time limited, so sadly that’s all I can get. The reason I chose last as my title is because I feel like I’ve lost. The other group members, well, the four who I’m friends with now, have all really turned their lives around. And while I’m so proud and happy for them, I am the only one who is really stuck in and attached to their ed. 

My strongest ed thought is you can get better when you’re thin enough, so I suppose being “last” in terms of recovery means I’m “winning” at that ed goal. I suppose I’m saddened by how strong my disorder has gotten, and seeing how wonderful life is when the ed stops dominating every moment was like a massive wake up call. 

Do I want to be this way?

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