M is for Mental Illness

Today I have really felt dominated by thoughts about food, my body, or sleep. It seems that my disorder has become who I am and I’m afraid of all the time I would have without it. 

Reading that makes me kinda… Empty I suppose. Like should my life be that way? Is that what I want, or what my ED wants? Most likely the latter. 

So what does mental illness mean to me? Mental illness is an energy-sucker. It takes away my sense of normality and of having joy be a common, as opposed to rare, fleeting part of life. Mental illness is complex and experience uniquely from person to person. It’s often overlooked by others because the internal feelings of crushing uselessness and failure aren’t visible to them. Mental illness makes you feel inadequate, yet somehow feels like a friend who can keep some familiarity in a world of unpredictable change.

What does it mean to you guys?

Xxx

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