Neverending is the perfect descriptor of the thought cycles that come with mental illness. Anxiety tells you an endless list of potential future disasters, while depression has a detailed circle of events that lead you to feel bad. My eating disorder has two opposing trains of thought, meaning that it always wins.
I know that breaking those cycles are crucial to recovery, but I struggle to do this consistently (at present it’s a sporadic effort at best) I hope that one day my cycle of being will be a happy one. To imagine a positive cycle being the endless rather than sporadic attempts is exciting. Can that really be me?