N is for Neverending

Neverending is the perfect descriptor of  the thought cycles that come with mental illness. Anxiety tells you an endless list of potential future disasters, while depression has a detailed circle of events that lead you to feel bad. My eating disorder has two opposing trains of thought, meaning that it always wins. 

I know that breaking those cycles are crucial to recovery, but I struggle to do this consistently (at present it’s a sporadic effort at best) I hope that one day my cycle of being will be a happy one. To imagine a positive cycle being the endless rather than sporadic attempts is exciting. Can that really be me?

 

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2 thoughts on “N is for Neverending

    • Oh, well I was just thinking about how all the thought processes I have are quite negative, and it’s hard to imagine myself being somebody who could live in a predominantly positive mind frame.
      The question at the end is my worry that maybe I’m not destined to be free from the disordered thoughts. I know that’s not true, but my blog is a place for me to air such fears. Hope that makes sense.

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