Wednesday’s words

Do you know what sucks? Being an injured dancer. Most of everyday is spent at college dancing, so my life feels all wrong. I was finally healing, but now I’m back to square one. 

Emotionally this is really tough. Watching my peers do projects and classes that I know I love so much is horrible. There’s also this horrible pressure I’m feeling to try to maintain my fitness even though I can’t walk properly right now. Crunches, arm circles, you name it, and if it’s doable on the floor then I’m doing it. 

The lack of normality and dancing is making my eating disorder crazy. I hate this sudden change and uncontrollable fears. 

In other news, my first appointment with a new therapist is on Monday. I’m nervous because my issues are so longstanding that it takes time for me to be able to get it all out and be honest. Being in the UK means that all my therapy is free but I’ve gone through many different parts of the service before getting to where I am now. 

I hope I can hold my shit together.. Right now it doesn’t feel like it. 

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