In my therapy today, my therapist did this thing where she had two columns on a page- each one with statements I make a lot as the headings. At first I have to say I was a bit confused and didn’t know how to answer her questions, but all of a sudden I linked the two headings together:
“If I didn’t have to worry about being responsible and in control, there would be no need for me to do obsessive behaviours”
(The two italicised bits were the headings!)
It has never clicked in my head that if I didn’t worry I wouldn’t have these problems. Those who don’t worry about the dishes, or their weight, or whether something bad will happen are unaffected by OCD issues. Why have I never realised this?
I’ve always known that my ED and OCD are efforts to control my environment, but the my therapist phrased the task and helped me to link the two ideas was new. Professionals have told me for years that worrying makes mental health problems worse, but it’s like somebody just switched on the lights and I can see it myself!
Time to switch my light off and sleep now though..
Lots of love xx