This week is all about the college summer performance (I’m awaiting my next number as I type). I wanted to write because I feel like a lot of conflicting things have been happening.
First of all food has been difficult. I have been impulsive around food and had a massive urge to be sick or do excess exercise all day today. At the same time though I was really happy I bought a milkshake with my friends yesterday with no planning. I am in this weird phase where I do want freedom around eating, but I feel so chubby and gross at times that I don’t want to eat. Sometimes my reflection is a skinny person; sometimes it isn’t. There’s no explanation.
I want to be in control of everything. I don’t want to screw up choreography or eat the wrong amount or be too big. My body should be in my control.
Do you know who doesn’t care about my body? My friends. They like me because of my personality and nothing physical can change that. Everyone deserves the kind of friendships I have.