I didn’t see the signs

I remember vividly the time I began my “diet” that would quickly become my eating disorder. I often wonder how I didn’t see the blatant signs that this was just a diet. For a kickoff, I was quite small already so nobody else would have supported my dieting had I told them. 

Yesterday my therapy session made me realise that occasionally using sanitising hand gel or constantly needing to ask the same thing over and over has become OCD. I can’t deny it now. These behaviours aren’t a one off now, and just like the first time I refused a piece of cake in the early ed days, I don’t understand why I didn’t see this coming. 

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2 thoughts on “I didn’t see the signs

  1. I was thinking about this earlier today!! How did I not notice my lack of menstrual cycle and realize that while I had never had sex I could not be pregnant; it was not rational.

    That is the key–rationality. Eating disorders do that to us. We will never see the signs until after it is too late.

    So please do not blame yourself.

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