Relationships and mental health. 

I’m 21. I have had 1 boyfriend in my whole life, and tonight we decided to tentatively get back together. 

I suppose always felt so different from other people when it comes to dating. I’ve just never felt a need to be with somebody. Maybe it’s because I’m quite introverted; I dislike large social occasions where one might meet somebody. Or maybe it’s because mental illness leaves little room for anyone or anything more. 

I have this vibe when I with him that makes me want him to kiss me, or hug me, or hold my hand. It’s like I’ve been hoping he would ask me about perhaps getting back together, but now he has, I feel a weird combination of happy and shit scared. 

My OCD has a massive amount of rumination involved. The fleeting “bad” thoughts that normal people have (such as a bad thing happening, or feeling dirty) are hard for me to get past. Today I had this with the thought what if I’m gay? I cried. I was scared. Thoughts often scare me, but this was so much more confusing. If I was normal then I would have brushed it off and realised that I want a guy to kiss me, so it’s probably just a normal thought!

My brain is out to get me so much that I just never know what is a thought I need to listen to and what isn’t. What do you think?

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6 thoughts on “Relationships and mental health. 

  1. My thoughts that I get are like, a person hasn’t texted me back that they’ve made it home, they must have been in a car accident, or something along the lines that’s tragic. When that happens, I try to think rationally. Like maybe they were in traffic or they stopped by the store. Like what you did with saying you wanted a guy to kiss you, so you are not gay

  2. I think that you need to ask yourself not: what if I’m gay but so what if I’m gay. I know some people have a lot of stigma about it but I personally don’t. I personally am not attracted to the same sex [oh I love me the d] but just because you haven’t had a lot of relationships doesn’t mean you are immediately homosexual in preference.

    Maybe you just haven’t found someone who stimulates you mentally and physically and you need both.

    All a possibility.

    You could try dating.

    But the OCD will get in the way and shut you down in all circumstances as will all other issues if you let them.

    • Thanks for commenting 🙂 I know the people close to me wouldn’t care at all if I was gay, and I have gay friends that I think are awesome. It’s just strange how the mind can trick you and get you stressed for no reason. Anyway, I’m seeing the guy today & we are back together and seeing how things go 🙂

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