The Why’s

I had therapy a couple of days ago and we talked a lot about intrusive thoughts I have and the compulsions I use to relieve the anxiety. It’s taken me a lot therapy sessions to even work out that one of my main fears is around contamination. 

I always had the impulse to clean my hands after touching things, but I hasn’t consciously understood why. I knew it felt better if I was clean, and so the two became linked.  It seems obvious now, but it actually kinda surprised me that the worry underneath it all was that!

My therapist got me to touch some stuff in the room. Easy right? Nah… Not so much. I suppose I was in denial. Just like with my Eating Disorder I figured I could just stop if I wanted to. Well that’s a funny joke… Hahahahaha.. Yep, that’s me laughing at myself again. 

Apparently the big red flags just weren’t enough to stop me. 

Great job, brain. Great job.  

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