There are a fair amount of people in my life who know I have an Eating Disorder. For some of those, the knowledge ends there. They accept this as a fact, but don’t understand or have the ability to empathise with the complex feelings and difficulties it brings along. Then there are the select few who listen to endless conversations with me, try to help me see the pros of recovery, and “get” me- the good and the bad parts.
The last few days I’ve felt a little isolated with my thoughts. Sharing them can sometimes be enough to lessen the stress I feel, but at the same time, nobody can ever have my disorder with my rules and my feelings. If nobody can ever 100% understand, then what’s the point?
I’m once again confused about recovery. Do I still want to get sicker or get better? I want all the benefits of being better, but I want my body to get smaller.