I think it’s safe to say we’ve all argued with a family member at some point. It’s inevitable when you are with them so much. I hate confrontation. I don’t know how to get rid of anger in a way that’s healthy, so I normally end up internalising all my feelings and taking it out on myself. I was doing this, in my usual fashion, after a conversation came up that upset me the other night. I don’t drink, but this person does (and had been that evening) I felt really shitty and cried all evening, but not knowing how to even begin a conversation about it with them afterwards, I just got more and more on edge.
Fast forward 24 hours and the same conversation topic was brought up. I commented back that the whole discussion was making me want to kill myself a bit so if we could stop that would be ideal. (Blunt I know, but honest!)
Well, it kicked off. Shouting, crying, walking out. All of it. And then it was just me and them on our own and I was being told things about my family which I just didn’t want to hear. How somebody else almost killed themselves, how one parent prefers a separate living space, how caring for somebody with mental illness has ruined X number of years…
I can’t fucking cope. I know that on the outside I come from a middle class family who loves me & wants to help me, but really nothing is perfect. My parents relationship isn’t exactly going swimmingly, and the stuff I was told the other night is haunting me. I’m not good at forgiveness when somebody has really hurt me. And this hit all the nerves. How do you move on?
It may be selfish, but seeing the flaws of my family is so triggering to my ED and I just wish I didn’t know anything sometimes. In some ways my knowledge of things that happened when I was growing up have made my relationship with my Mum really special. Lots of people don’t have the closeness we do. But equally, knowing a lot of the imperfections and difficulties in my family makes my house very triggering sometimes, and I wonder how different things might have been if I was less surrounded by certain issues in my household. Who knows!
If anyone has any experience or thoughts about trying to rekindle my relationship after all this drama with that one person, comment below 💕
I have plenty experience with toxic family. I finally escaped it recently and am still working on defining boundaries. That’s the hardest part: boundary definition. Especially in toxic relationships. I want to cut off my family all together as it would be healthiest for me but it’s hard because well society expects us to have family blah blah blah. I wish I could be more help on the rekindle but I’m more help on the surviving the toxicity aspect. Good luck!
Thanks! My Mum is wonderful, I’m extremely close with her, but when dad and I argue she feels like she’s piggy in the middle! I’m not sure my relationship with him will ever be how it was when I was a child and we did loads of things together. Right now, I don’t enjoy having him around the majority of the time xx
Ya its crazy how as we age relationships change. Some people are better with kids at certain ages. Case in point, my friend’s husband is shitty with their baby son, but as their son has gotten older and is now 5–fabulous!! Bizarre but some people can just connect with certain ages better
Never thought about it that way, but it’s definitely true. I wouldn’t hug my dad between ages 5 and 6 or so, but then I was such a daddy’s girl after that and we did so many things together!!! Weird eh? Xx
Nah not at all!! Total normal development!! Like most girls end up hating their moms in teen years. Phases!