The competition. 

As a naturally competitive person, the comparative aspect of my mental illness is huge. I saw somebody who I thought looked perfect at the gym today and immediately felt like I was a failure. I don’t like feeling this jealously towards people, but sometimes I can’t help it (especially if it’s a stranger like in this scenario). I’ve seen this person twice now and it’s winding me up that not only do I not look like her, but also that I can’t let it go enough for me to stop hating myself quite so much. I now feel bad for being so jealous, and equally just as bad for not looking how she does. 

Why are eating disorder a competition? They shouldn’t be, but I guess that obsessional drive keeps the behaviour going. Is there an eating disorder without obsession?

3 thoughts on “The competition. 

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