Why are you so blue?

Good question, self. Why are you so blue?! And that’s the funny thing about depression: you can have a good life, but feel bad. 

I’ve felt considerably more depressed in the past, but it’s a feature of my everyday at the minute nevertheless- and that’s annoying. Most mornings I wake up and I’m ok. Not happy or sad really. I will get a few things done (sometimes with a lot of procrastination and questioning whether I have the energy to do them first), and then this nothingy feeling comes over me. I get in a state where I feel almost empty and I want to cry or talk about it, but in the moment I don’t even have the energy to do either. 

I have this imagined life in my mind where I’m able to get up with relative ease, begin the to do’s for the day, eat without too much thought or guilt, and also do the things that fulfil me most. There are occasional times when I feel like I’m a superhero and my whirlwind of getting anything and everything done happens all at once. I will be in a flow and feel really good about it. Unfortunately, I don’t often feel like I’m doing enough with myself. I don’t know if this is being worsened by the fact there are so many big life changes that are recent or upcoming at the moment, but it’s on my brain a lot!

Depression likes to sneak in there and make me think my best bet would be to lay in bed and hibernate. 

Xoxo

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4 thoughts on “Why are you so blue?

  1. Hey dancer, thinking of you x as I was reading I remembered that for me too, the time after graduation from dance training was hard like this – there is such a massive contrast from being in full-time training, the routine, the fact that teachers are pushing, the pressure – and suddenly being out on your own. Its understandable that you’d feel lost and kind of drifting. Keep looking after yourself. It just takes time to adjust and find new routines. Do you have some people to talk to about how you’re feeling? xx sending thoughts, keep in touch xx Em

    • It’s definitely a huge adjustment. It’s all in my hands now, and going to auditions and the excitement of the future is great, but also very scary and new!
      My dietitian is also a therapist, so we are working on everything including my thoughts about life as it is just now. Unfortunately she is really far away now I’ve moved home, so I can only go every few weeks, but she is awesome and I do really feel like she cares! How are you? 🙂 xx

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