Something important to remember about eating disorders, is that they want you need them. ANYTHING can be turned into a reason to use a behaviour. I used to think that I needed my disorder to cope with bad things, but in the last few days I’ve realised that isn’t necessarily true.
So I got some good news: I’m going to be going to Mallorca in 2 weeks to dance! I will get to perform 4 times a week, the daytime duty hours are fewer than in my first job, and the money is better. While I am (very) excited, my eating disorder has taken this good news and turned it into some bad thoughts/
You better lose weight before you go or the guy will never be able to lift you.
You don’t want them to meet you and think you’re ugly and fat, Fix it now.
It’s going to be scary, so grasp onto control while you can.
It will get hot and you can’t be seen in shorts while you’re this disgusting.
This has got me thinking that maybe anorexia is just a way to avoid anything that I deem as too much emotion.
I put on a summery skirt that I haven’t worn since August or September time, and it wasn’t as loose as it was. I don’t know if it’s water weight or real fat. If it’s real fat I am a failure. If it’s real fat, I’ve wasted time for nothing. If it’s real fat, people must be able to see it. Im scared now to put the skirt on again, like forever. I wish I could enjoy clothes and fashion the way I want to.