Newness 

With anything new comes the anxiety of uncertainty. For me, the positive news of my new contract has also brought me anxious thoughts about all the things I can’t know yet. 

What if I don’t get on with the other people? What if the dance level is too much or too little for me? What if I mess up the piece they’ve asked me to prepare and they hate it? What if they judge my body? 

What if I could actually know all the answers to these things? I imagine I’d find more to worry about… like… just off the top of my head…what if the uniform for daytime duties looks bad on me? 

Having these types of thoughts about something that is a positive step in my life (I hope!) makes me feel guilty. I feel like I shouldn’t be thinking any negative things about it because I have friends who don’t have jobs. Dumb right?

It’s nighttime where I am, and I’m in bed now (attempting not to stew over all this) by watching a YouTuber I enjoy, and trying to relax my super tense muscles after a class last night! 

Good night xoxo

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