Guess who wrote a post and it got deleted? THAT’S ME 😭
Anywayyyy, I’m here in the sunshine and I’ve unpacked and done all the boring things. All we did today was rehearse, as the hotel is yet to open and we are preparing. Even though that was my day, I feel over emotional and anxious to be frank. There are a few things that are still worrying me:
- Meeting my new housemate on Saturday
- Getting into the “normal” schedule and wondering how I will like it
- How I’m going to manage my money until my first pay
Obviously these unknowns could all be fine, but the possibility that they could not be is enough to cause racing thoughts.
I was with 2 people today- both seemed nice and fairly easy going. I am finding myself being really judgemental of them (in my head obviously!) and I’m not sure why. I’m guilty for thinking this but: in my eyes they are too fat to be dancers. Both are me, with muscular arms and legs, but with larger stomachs. I shouldn’t be judging them, especially when I don’t think I look like a dancer!! Not being racist, but I’ve noticed several men with bodies like these and I wonder if there’s a genetic tendency for that shape (?). Although otherwise pleasant, I did feel patrionised when asked if I a new song that’s the most well known fucking theatre song ever (I wanted to scream from the roof tops and say I am professionally trained and not some moron off the street and FYI I probs know more musical theatre stuff than you) rant over. Sozzzz.
I hope I feel more settled soon. I have a nice balcony where I plan to sit alone and get away from things when I fancy it (sat there right now actually…)
Hope you’re all well. Comment below the best bit of your day…
Mine: finding and using a super clean gym that’s close to me and enjoying being able to focus on my body