The first thing I start obsessing over when stress comes along is my body. It looks bigger and bigger, and I feel increasingly like I’m out of control.
While I accept overwhelm as a normal human experience, I had always assumed the feeling would have a clear cause. My issue is that I can’t always work out why. Sure, I’m in a new place and getting used to a new job, but there isn’t an easy to pinpoint reason as to why my ED is having a party right now. Just like the black and white of the disorder, my expectation is that the rest of life will be black and white too. Being overwhelmed is much more in the grey territory, though. It’s messy and confusing and tiring. Overwhelm is a combination of things, rather than one simple cause with one easy to understand reaction. If it were, it would be overwhelming at all!
This week I’m going to try and set some things into my day to make my routine more consistent. I’m hoping for my lunch break to be a resting time (shower, nap, call family, colour) and for my late afternoon break to be my time to go to the gym and get things done (put washing on, stop by the supermarket, prep myself for shows etc). Hopefully I can achieve this sort of plan throughout the week and benefit from having set times for things.
Today was my day off and I’m hoping it has prepared me a little bit for the week ahead. Wishing you all a good week xoxo