Day 19: sensitive people tire fast.Β 

Hey everyone! Happy Friday! (Hallelujah tomorrow is my day off 😴) I started off tired, went through a day of people’s short tempers, and felt tearful because of backstage events. I’m over today. At the same time, I feel a little guilty for feeling this way, when I have friends who are out of work or doing jobs with no dancing. 

#5adayprogress

1. Writing more of the email I need to get done 

2. Showering and watching YouTubers I like after a stressful day 

3. Made a to do list for tomorrow 

4. Being ok with not thinking of 5 things today! 

Xoxo

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Day 18.

Guy at the gym: are you tired?                     Me: why?                                                 Guy: you can tell. You look it.         

Cool. Good to know the bags under my eyes are prominent to the world πŸ˜‚

Anywayyyy, let’s see what I achieved today! #5adayprogress

1. Felt I did the Pirates number in the show today quite well

2. Planned out what I need to spend my pay on, and what I can save 

3. Started writing ideas for the email I need to draft 

4. Showered 

5. Stood up for myself when one of my colleagues snapped at me over a mistake with an entrance on to stage. Normally I don’t make “silly” mistakes so I pointed out he has probably made mistakes and so he shouldn’t be snapping 

Tomorrow I want to:

  • Write the first few lines of the email
  • Make a plan for my day off

Day 17.

First of all, today I was given the most adorable variety of gifts from children. (Where I am there are lots of holiday apartments, so it’s primarily families). The first gift is a bracelet, which is identical to her own “because we are best friends and I know purple is your favourite.” *dying of cuteness overload* I was then given three drawings by another little girl. All of them were for me because she said she loves me. Again, the cuteness 😍

Now time for #5adayprogress :

1. Sorting out my email inbox

2. Going to the gym 

3. Feeling good about two of my dances in the show tonight 

4. Sent pictures to my mum of costumes tonight (I get nervous about photos where my size could be judged)

5. Getting up earlier to try and warm up my injured leg more before rehearsing 

Tomorrow I want to:

  • Stick to my food plan
  • Draft an email and get mum to look through it for me

Day 16.Β 

Today wasn’t the best to be frank. I feel stressed, fat, like I should’ve restricted more etc etc. I wish I thought my anorexia was real. The countdown until I see my mum is going fast, and it’s essential that I’m small when I go back. I can’t cope with that not being the case. 

I’m going to attempt to find something I did well today for #5adayprogress, but to be fair, it’s gonna be a struggle. 

1. Showered

2. Got out the house in my break at work 

3. Had a nice warm up before the show with my own music (but I feel crap about the show so why did I bother)

Can’t think of anymore. 

All I want tomorrow is to dance well, eat an amount I feel ok about, and just not feel like this. 

Day 15.Β 

I’m super tired today, despite having 2 naps πŸ™ˆ. I felt a bit uncomfortable around an unfamiliar face in the gym today. A woman came in who looks perfect to be. She was tiny, but toned, and I’d estimate her to be a similar age to me. Although the gym often feels like a bit of an escape from the outside world for a bit, moments like this remind me that my ED and obsessions are always there. Even when training in the gym alone, I can judge myself harshly and quickly. Being a perfectionist isn’t all it’s wrapped up to be. 

#5adayprogress

1. Of my list I achieved the following: got a key ring, sat in the sun, tried (and failed) to fix my top, spoke to a friend, and went to the gym. 
2. Ate an apple 

3. Finally sent my mum a video of my room (better late than never, right?!)

4. Tidied up 

5. Took a relaxing shower and used my favourite moisturiser 

Tomorrow I want to:

  • Get up earlier to go down for breakfast in less of a hurry before rehearsal
  • Watch some tv and read a book in my break 
  • Warm up with my own music before the show 

Day 14.

I somehow made it to 2 weeks of doing these daily achievement posts. (Shocked if I’m honest πŸ˜‚).

#5adayprogress (don’t forget to add this to your tags if you do a post. I’d happily read what people have achieved!)

1. Showering even though it was late and I couldn’t really be bothered

2. Making it to two weeks of these posts 

3. Washing my clothes πŸ‘πŸ»

4. Making a plan for tomorrow afternoon (see below)

Can’t think of anymore, but maybe that’s ok. 

Monday afternoon:

Planning to eat at 1pm and then use my free hours to:

  • Attempt to fix my broken crop top
  • Go to the beach 😎
  • Get a new key ring
  • Speak to my friend on the phone 
  • Read a bit more of my book 
  • Go to the gym before the show

My goal for tomorrow to achieve as many of these things on the list as I can, and also to go with the food plan I’ve written down. 

Xoxox

Day 13

*well aware I missed day 12, but hush hush*

Day 12 happened to involve a celebration on the beach, so instead of posting, I joined the tradition of swimming in the sea after midnight! Then, myself and my 2 flat mates decided to dip in the pool of our apartment block, because why not at 1am? πŸ˜‚

Today’s #5adayprogress is gonna be a mish mash of the two days.

1. Going to the San Juan event and enjoying being with the girls and experiencing something we don’t have at home 

2. The gym being almost empty + having time to do whatever I wanted in there 

3. My friends (always message more with several of them on my day off ❀️)

4. Getting a few more emails done today

5. Doing quite a few things off my list 

In less positive news, I feel like tomorrow my only really aim is for my food to be deemed good in my mind. I don’t have anything else, but it would make me feel comforted if tomorrow I did that. I need the satisfaction of it.