Today wasn’t the best to be frank. I feel stressed, fat, like I should’ve restricted more etc etc. I wish I thought my anorexia was real. The countdown until I see my mum is going fast, and it’s essential that I’m small when I go back. I can’t cope with that not being the case.
I’m going to attempt to find something I did well today for #5adayprogress, but to be fair, it’s gonna be a struggle.
2. Got out the house in my break at work
3. Had a nice warm up before the show with my own music (but I feel crap about the show so why did I bother)
Can’t think of anymore.
All I want tomorrow is to dance well, eat an amount I feel ok about, and just not feel like this.
Sending you a hug. It’s okay to have harder days, they are to be expected, recovery is bloody hard work, be kind to yourself but don’t let ED derail you, you are likely to have far more bad days if you give in to the disorder rather than fighting it, but it’s okay to just pause where you are right now to regroup, self-compassion all the way.
Thank you for your kind words. It’s true that more bad days happen if you’re giving in more. My positivity posts aren’t necessarily combating my ed behaviours, but they are working on my perfectionism and my confidence, which I think are both very tied to why I have the illness in the first place.
Hope you’re week is going well