Day 8.

I feel tired tonight, so no blabbing about life today, just straight to the good bits! #5adayprogress

1. I ate more veg with my dinner, as I wanted to

2. I did the workout I’d planned 

3. Doing relaxing and productive things during my free afternoon

4. Logging my food in recovery record even though I’m tired 

5. Went food shopping 

And now to think to tomorrow:

• Look into somewhere I can get treatment on my leg (pain due to scar tissue from old injury #dancerlife)
• Order that present that I have put off doing for 2 days 

Hope you all had a good day xoxox

Day 7.

I’ve had waves of difficult thoughts and feelings today, but no real idea why. I’ve decided to add something I want to improve on each day to my posts. 

#5adayprogress

1. Starting plans for a spring trip to America with a friend

2. Looking into potential jobs for Christmas and finding a few different theatre companies to bookmark

3. Finishing my washing 

4. Phoning Dad as it’s Father’s Day in the UK

5. Washing my hair 
Tomorrow I want to…

• Eat a larger portion of vegetables 
• Make the most of my afternoon 
• Get through my planned workout 

Day 6.

Happy weekend! I had the day off today, so I spent some time enjoying the sun and doing things as and when I felt like it. Tomorrow at work is a less intense day, which feels like a good way to break myself in to the week! 

My biggest concern right now is calorie intake. Let’s elaborate: there’s an amount that I ate several years ago, and while doing so I maintained a low weight. I don’t want to trigger anybody with numbers, but I will say that this figure is actually not that low. There are people on diets who eat less! However, as I’m not eating quite that amount at present, I’m afraid that I’d get bigger if I did, even though in theory any amount of restriction should amount to weight loss. While my therapist is away, i want to work hard on the perfectionism stuff we are doing, but I also want to be “thin enough” when she comes back too. It feels like I could warrant fully engaging in dietary changes then. I am already trying to stick to the structure of eating regularly, though equally trying to hold on to controlling the amount. 

Time for #5adayprogress!

1. Bothering to post even though it’s hard for me to see a day off as a time when I would succeed or achieve with anything!

2. Buying a facial wash and taking 5 minutes to do it

3. Trying to drink lots of water in this heat 

4. Doing 10 minutes on the cross trainer 

5. Having a shower 

Day 5.

Hey!! It’s 12:40am where I am, and I’m in bed after a show. Tomorrow is my day off, and I enjoy not feeling hurried to go to sleep. Personally, I felt there were some things I could have performed much better tonight (but check out one of my successes of the day below…)

#5adayprogress

1. My boss telling me I danced well tonight 

2. Eating some sweet corn, which is not something I generally have 

3. Following my plan of gym days, sleep routine and eating my veg everyday this week

4. Making a list of things I want to do tomorrow 

5. Getting some washing done 

Remember, if you want to join in, tag 5adayprogress in your posts, and don’t forget that the success or achievement can be big or small 

Xoxox 

Day 4.

Hey everyone! Today was a busy day. I was challenged by having to watch videos from rehearsals this morning, which makes my body comparison game all the more confusing. After rehearsal I had my usual day, but it was 30 degrees which made it seem harder 😂. I had a show tonight, which I preceded with a gym session (and my box of protein bars arrived today. BUZZINGGGGG). I’m always critical about some part of the show, but that’s normal for me. I want to better every time. 

Time for #5adayprogress:

1. Trying a workout I saw online and  doing all 5 rounds 

2. Eating my dinner even though I kept thinking I didn’t feel like it 

3. Drinking more water 

4. Dragging myself to breakfast despite really wanting to hit the snooze button a few more times 

5. Completing this post for 3 days in a row 

Day 3.

Today was another good day (weird!) I’m feeling really hungry, which is making my mind go a bit haywire, though. I have a safe zone in terms of calories, despite knowing that I could eat more and still be under eating overall. It’s just the fear of gaining weight when I want to lose it that holds me in my fear. 

But here are my things for today:

1. Getting a compliment about the salsa choreography

2. Receiving a drawing off a lovely little girl, when I had no idea I’d made an impact on her (too cute!)

3.  Actually getting round to ordering more protein bars (hey, I said achievements small or big, don’t judge me 😂)

4.  Eating my vegetables and rice because I knew it was the right thing to do

5. Working on some balances in the gym today 

Day 2.

Day 2 of my 5 positive things posts. 

1. A whole hour of catching up with my best friend over the phone ❤️

2. Feeling positive about the show

3. Having a nap! 

4. A lovely message from somebody 

5. Comments from a nice couple after the show tonight 

In general, today has felt like a good day. Nothing major happened to make it so, but I do feel it’s been fairly easy to feel good today!

Xoxo 

5 a day!

No, this post is not about fruit and veg! Instead, I’m going to (try) and write 5 achievements of my day as often as I can. I am a perfectionist, which often leads me to ignore the things I have done well. I’m also feeling quite unstable mood wise, and perhaps this will help. 

Feel free to join in and use the hashtag #5adayprogress

1. I did some nice things this afternoon even though I felt anxious and down about something 

2. I ate all my dinner

3. The show went mostly well I think 

4. I got to the gym at the time I had planned to and didn’t have to hurry 

5. I made people at work laugh this evening 

Advice needed!

Hey everyone! I hope the week has started off well for you. 

My therapist is going to be having a baby soon, and I’ve felt a bit out of control of things due to the change. This week I have set myself some goals, but I don’t know if I’m being too obsessive, or whether it’s a sensible decision. 

My goals are to cut 2 particular foods from my diet, to go to the gym on days I’ve pre-selected because they make sense with my schedule, eat at work (as we get food there if we want it) on specific days that go with my schedule, and to make sure I do my ankle exercises everyday. 

If I do all of these everyday this week, then I’m going to try and reward myself with something. Do you guys think that planning my weeks out like this is healthy or too much?

Xoxo 

Competitivity and comparisons

I have always been competitive, but my eating disorder has made that personality trait a negative one. A new dancer has arrived and I’m madly trying to compare my body and conclude if I’m bigger or smaller than her. Body dysmorphia is so confusing that I don’t know what’s right! I feel competitive in terms of wanting to dance better than her, and extremely nervous to perform together tomorrow. I’m afraid the audience will compare us, and that their comparisons will favour her (leaving me as the worst, biggest dancer). 

Part of the issue with ED comparisons, is that you don’t ever know for sure what the outcome of the worry is. I mean, lets face it, it’s unlikely that an audience member will sit down and score myself and the new girl on our dancing and body sizes! Knowing this doesn’t prevent the worrying, though. 

I wish to keep my competitive spirit, and to use my high standards in a healthy way. My eating disorder and OCD struggles have caught me in a cycle of demanding a lot of myself, being afraid to not be good enough, and then criticising myself for whatever goes wrong. Being a perfectionist is not always a helpful thing.