Dear the struggling friend

Dear friend,

As somebody who knows all too well how painful it is to hate yourself, I want to remind you that you are loved. What you see in the mirror or on the scales bears no reflection to the beautiful person the rest of us know. Like me, you are getting sucked in to viewing the world through a lens that focuses on thin vs fat as a decider of happiness. That lens is a liar. It blurs the other things in your life, until years have passed and you haven’t enjoyed the things you should have. Don’t let that be you, you deserve so much more.
Whatever your mind tells you, one more time (be it one more restrictive day, one more pound lost, one more laxative/sit up/purge) will never satisfy you. The feelings won’t go away by the methods that caused them.
As my friend, I hold you very highly in my life, and your happiness is important to me. In fact, seeing you succeed fills me with so much joy that it can make my own difficulties that little bit quieter.
You are deserving of love- the love you have in your life already, and the love you should be giving yourself. Body confidence and security is a challenge for many people, partly because lots of things around us are photoshopped or posed, and most people would only post their best bits on social media. It’s human nature to experience self doubt, as we all feel a little lost in life at times. However, you are beautiful and talented just as you are.
If health is your goal, your body will gain strength and vitality with you; if a diet is the focus, it won’t ever happen in the way you desire it. Of course, I’m not at the end of the journey either. In fact, right now isn’t so easy for me either. But that’s ok.

All the love in the world
Xoxo xox

Maybe some of you guys have a friend who might also need to hear this. Feel free to repost or share if you do!

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2 thoughts on “Dear the struggling friend

  1. It’s easier to read if I think about other people this would help. When I read it as addressed to myself, all my excuses and justifications kick in because my ED tells me I’m fat, ugly, undeserving, etc. My thoughts are awful and I hate to admit what I really think, however, one of the reasons I blog is to be open about what I think so others, who may have the same thoughts, don’t feel alone. So here it is:

    If a person thinner than me (or someone I perceive to be thinner than me) compliments me my thoughts are that it’s easy for them to say that because I’m fat. If someone larger than me compliments me my thoughts are that they don’t see me, only my size which is coupled with overwhelming guilt for calling myself fat in front of them (or even thinking it). We have some BED (binge eaters) in the iOP I go to and they’ve commented more than once that we are what they want to be. It’s impossible to explain that no one wants to be what we are. For some of them, all they see is our size. And then, on top of all that, I fear that new people will think I’m BED because I’m no longer underweight. Isn’t that sick???

    The truth of the matter is that body image is hard no matter what eating disorder a person has. It is even hard for people who don’t have eating disorders. It’s an unfortunate part of our current culture. Everyone struggles. I would love for your message to go viral so all can feel validated, and that you can also feel validated in your own struggle.

    • I know from personal experience that body image can be hard, even when the problem changes. I was bulimic for a period of time, and I hated my body then, too. In that moment, I wanted with every fibre of myself to be restrictive again and feel my bones and hear people’s comments. In some ways, knowing I was bigger and that I was bingeing made me feel less validated, that my ed was even less good, and even less important or serious. Really though, the emotional rollercoaster of bulimia took me to an extremely depressive state of mind.
      Also, I totally relate to find excuses or “reasons” to explain away my problems. I’m ashamed, but I also take comments differently depending on the commenters size (and insert similar motives as you did for whatever they say to me!)
      I love my friends, especially the beautiful human who inspired this post. She can’t be the only one who needs to hear this, so feel free to share xx

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