As usual, I’ve had the desire to write but not enough to say/motivation to do it umpteen times. At last, I’m actually posting.
The past year has shown me that I am very adaptable. I’ve moved countries twice, and returned in the middle to a new family home in a new city (that I’d never seen). Those kind of big changes are always going to have some challenges, but I was able to ride out the initial discomfort and prove to myself I could do it. Patience with myself isn’t something I find easy. In fact, I’m one of the least patient people I know.
The problem with having a problem with patience, is that in life we are always waiting for something. Be it a job, a partner, Christmas, or the arrival of a parcel, it could be easy to constantly feel impatient about something.
My current feeling of discomfort and lack of patience is tangible. I’m awaiting to hear back from an audition, while also waiting to hear back from my therapist about whether I need more intensive treatment. A great combination, huh? I don’t know yet how I feel. My tiredness from my last contract plus years of ED tiredness means a next job seems daunting. Am I in a place right now where I can do it? Would a rejection be a blessing in disguise? Deep down do I want more intensive treatment? You don’t know? Me either 😂
My point is, I can mull it over a thousand times, but until I’m presented with all the choices it’s just my impatience and anxiety wasting my energy. I need to make a promise to myself to enjoy being at home, adapting back to family life, and do proactive things (however small).
anadancer 
I can so relate to this post!! The part I liked best was the end, and it’s so true. Anything proactive or good for you (your body, soul, heart, health, career…anything) counts as progress. No matter how small, it counts, so be proud of the little things as you wait.
I hate waiting too but I have a lot of patience in life. Waiting is the one thing that always gets me. I hope answers come soon. xx
Thank you! I found out today I didn’t get the job I auditioned for (but that’s a common occurrence in a creative profession!) maybe it’s a sign I need to focus on my treatment now xx
I remember a fairly frequent question: What is your body telling you? The thing is that I could carry on regardless of physical cues because that’s what one does as an athlete. I’m not an athlete any long and if I was, and was being honest, I’d have to admit that my body was giving me many messages. I needed a break, it needed a break. I’ve been so out of touch with my body for so many years that the idea of listening to it was foreign.
I’m getting much better about it now… I have to. It’s been a challenge to say the least but the reality is that all along my body has been trying to get me to take a break and I’ve persisted in ignoring it. Once I finally did listen, once I finally started following through with what it needed and what I needed, I felt so much more relaxed and trusting.
Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle quite a bit but, oddly enough, when I listen to my body’s needs, I feel more in control.
What is your body telling you?
It’s telling me it can’t keep going this way, that it needs a break and it needs to be looked after. It’s hard to really feel and accept these things. Just as you said, it’s easy to get out of touch