When your mind is always switched on, geared towards worry, or heading to self destruct, feeling pleasure can be fleeting.
This evening I actually feel alive. Is this joy? My present sense of happiness has sparked me to wish for tomorrow to be productive and fulfilling. (We shall see what happens!)
After a conversation yesterday, I awoke this morning feeling totally confused about who I am. A passing comment had made me uncomfortable, and being the only single person in the group felt so embarrassing! Most of time I’m not longing for a relationship at all; in fact I feel that I’m not in the right headspace for one anyway, but it did bring out my loneliness, and a deep fear that I’m not who I think I am. Speaking with a friend was helpful, as I rarely voice things like this to anyone. Perhaps speaking allowed me to move on with my day, and to ultimately enjoy my evening. Moments like this are to be treasured, because eating disorders don’t let them in much.
anadancer 