Summer update

So it’s been a while since I wrote on here. I’ve had things in my head that I wanted to blog about, but for some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I think it’s hard for me to openly admit that life isn’t perfect. I wanted my update to be this inspirational post full of successes, but that is unrealistic
Instead, life has been changeable. Not perfect, but a journey. For the most part I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary, but that’s ok. Just spending time walking around a  garden centre with my auntie and my mum is enough. I’m thankful for the time we’ve spent together so far this holiday. 

Mental health wise things have been up and down, but that’s how it goes. It’s never going to be straightforward, but for the first time I think I’m ok with that.

I always set goals for myself when summer comes and I think I’m doing alright. Again, I haven’t done all the things I said I would exactly the amount of times I planned to, but I have done them. I wanted to enjoy being with the people I love, which I am. I wanted to keep up my fitness, which I am. I wanted to care for my injured foot, which I am. 

I haven’t done everything perfectly, but I’m learning that that doesn’t mean I failed. I am working on things. Nothing happens overnight… And that’s absolutely ok. 

Wednesday’s words

Do you know what sucks? Being an injured dancer. Most of everyday is spent at college dancing, so my life feels all wrong. I was finally healing, but now I’m back to square one. 

Emotionally this is really tough. Watching my peers do projects and classes that I know I love so much is horrible. There’s also this horrible pressure I’m feeling to try to maintain my fitness even though I can’t walk properly right now. Crunches, arm circles, you name it, and if it’s doable on the floor then I’m doing it. 

The lack of normality and dancing is making my eating disorder crazy. I hate this sudden change and uncontrollable fears. 

In other news, my first appointment with a new therapist is on Monday. I’m nervous because my issues are so longstanding that it takes time for me to be able to get it all out and be honest. Being in the UK means that all my therapy is free but I’ve gone through many different parts of the service before getting to where I am now. 

I hope I can hold my shit together.. Right now it doesn’t feel like it.