Crazy dreams.

Last night I dreamt that I was being forced to eat 3000 calories a day. I was constantly changing location, but there was always a few constant people that stayed with me. One of them was a mean, middle aged woman, who dictated what I ate and when. If I refused or didn’t finish the plate I had to start over.
In the dream I was loathing the experiencing but was tearful because it was such a relief to be told I was too skinny and have the permission to eat. I was finally “sick enough”.
To non-disordered people, wanting to be sick seems so wrong, but for me I know it is just a cry for help. I want people to see the pain I have inside on the outside.
My dream really shook me up, and I’m not sure why because I often have dreams involving food.
Anyway, ramblings over.